Bath Time

Observations of the mysterious obvious

Incredible how taking a bath can really leave one so distant from the rest of everything. It’s just you, the water and a car or two passing by outside. Incredible too is how I just don’t fit in the bathtub anymore (too tall, not too fat!) and the weird sensation that im going to get my notepad and pencil wet. Its strange writing with half my body surrounded by water, but quite nice. Its seems like time stops as one lies here in the tub looking at its naked self…but really time plunders deeper into its routined self, leaving one with a sensation of peace and well being, if not lonely and depressing. The way the body disfigures under the water, and the water passes from hot to warm, warm to cold, slowly, just as slow as we think time is passing by. The ripples created on the surface of the water as one raises their wet and damp hands from the bottom surface of the tub. Nice thing about this water that makes the experience even more divine and self relaxing is that it’s not any water you’re bathing in, it’s your own personal water, infected and corrupt with you. The water grows lighter when one leaves it and grows shorter as the body mass moves out. One thing that interrupts one are the echoing voices from the tv close by, but even they help to create such a unique ambiance. Slowly moving ones body creates gentle waves that come and go, circulating the hot water by the feet, to the back and neck. Unique noises form as one lifts a foot and dives it into the warm water once again. The hairs on the body and head drift gently in the water as if seaweed they were and instantly stick on the body when it leaves the watery domains. It’s easy to say that there are good things in life even when you just have a bathtub and running hot water.

*All DeadLurtz creations are simple written and are best experienced when drunk or high. The author highly recommends being in either both states before reading and most importantly the reader must be in a very specific state of mind to fully experience the deepness of the texts. Answers will unravel uniquely to each reader for readers will take their own explanations and answers from their thoughts.

Rome Schrome

Rome. Leonardo Da Vinci airport. 3:00 am. I need internet. The wi fi is paid, the cheap fucks, same as in Lisbon...I can't believe the only place I had free internet was in Madeira. GOD FUCKIN DAMN. They don't accept my visa electron. I am royaly fucked. Unless i use that Internet machine, 20 cents a minute (for the love of my pubic hair, who are they trying to steal?). So I press the button, choose portuguese as the language and a brazilian dude starts talking...This is Europe fuckhead! that was the portuguese flag asshole, speak Portugal's portuguese cuntfuck!! AHHHHHHHHHHH THE FUCKING MACHINE ATE MY 2 € WTFFF!! We're in Rome, this is supposed to be one of the best airports in Europe and the fucking internet machine ate my fucking coin !!???! Drunken americans speed race with a check-in wheel chair through the sleeping crowd and the half dead, such as myself. They're loud. They're fucking annoying me. It's nothing against americans. It's something against these americans. Fuck these particular americans, fuck them in their sorry asses. Drinking their small bottles of Merlot, such lack of taste (of course I only say this cause I watched Sideways). After races and drunken "fo shizzle rants" a bottle of the precious Merlot brakes and at last the fun stops...Curious fact numero uno: it took 5 hours for someone to clean the mess. Curious fact numero dos: 2 hours later the cops came, the americans hid under their blankets and pretended to be asleep, all of this after leaving the speed race chair near other youngsters. those were the ones that got interrogated by the pudgy bald cops. At least no one ratted out. Nice to see some anarchy in Rome.

But what about the Leonardo Da Vinci airport? hmm...No urinols on the men's toilet (weird), weak flushing system, my turd didn't want to go down. The mineral water tastes like shit, and I
mean it tastes like scrotum serum...not that I would know what that tastes like. Morning. After sleeping 2 hours on the cold ivory by the window, i decide to snap out of the "comfort".



I can't barely see the blue in the sky because of a thick mist. Pollution. Smog. The heat is untolarable. I won't say fuck Rome, but I'll take my chances with: FUCK THIS DAY IN ROME! Hey, at least my sandwich and chocolate cupcake taste good, but I paid 6.70 for it, those cocksucking weasels, not even if it had Berlusconnis semen as sauce would it be worth 6.70.

snorejob

Wednesday, 13:23, first sip of coffee. Feels warm and not too sweet. Feels perfect, too perfect. But what makes write on this blog are imperfections. One thing you should know by now is too love your imperfections and the imperfections of the people who are dear to you. But how about about the imperfections of someone completely random whom you have never met? Simply my friends: fuck them and their lack of intellect up their sorry asses. No one puts up with that.

Tuesday, 13:50, weeks earlier, just bought the tickets to watch "Watchmen" ("who watches the watchmen", right). High hopes. Graphic novel is a classic, Alan Moore is a genius. As I eagerly await for the movie outside the theatre, I take a look at the poster, normal procedure, I like the boring details, the production assistant's name, Zack Snyder "the visionary director of 300" (really? Does slow motion really qualify as "visionary"?), oh and based on the graphic novel by Dave Gibbons. Right. Wait...didn't Alan Moore like...WRITE THE FUCKING BOOK? Ok bad sign right there...Mr. Moore doesn't want his name associated with the film, oh boy are we in for a treat!


"Two riders were approaching". Yes, me and Schweeps did ride a bus that day, so I guess that does qualify us as riders, bus riders. We enter the dimmed light theatre and head to our seats. So far so good. The screen is still blank and I still have high hopes for the film. At 13:50 nobody goes to the movies, at least where I'm from, maybe because most people have lives, leaving us geeks with the 13:50 session, to avoid mingling with a big crowd (people! go away!). The light dims. Advertising for ten minutes. Fucking yawn. Spare me the stylish beer ads with perfect females and males getting loaded and having the time of their lives with disclaimers saying "be responsible, drink moderately". Shove that lack of reality up your sorry asses, abortions of fashion. Then, yet another "two riders" approached and took the far left seats of our row. Random people, the random kind whose imperfections are ok to piss you off. One of them, morbidly obese, long oily hair. The scenario is just too perfect to poke fun at, but he did look a little bit tired from climbing the theatre stares. No worries, his bag of chips and popcorn were going to replace the lost calories! No love lost baby, yeah! The trailers start. Frank Millers "Spirit" is on. Not too impressed, neither were our "friends"...Well at least donut boy. His reaction to the trailer was made heard in full sonic blast, spraying his lungs out at full volume: "Oh darn! This one is goin' to be great to take a nap on!". Yippie dude, no one gives two shits, keep it too yourself. At that point I started to imagine if donut boy could do the "own man tit to mouth" porn trick.



Imperfections people. Imperfections that annoy you. Kicking in at the core of your nervous system. But no cool whatsoever was lost. So the guy beside you in a theatre is a douchebag, it has happened timeless counts before. But why was donut boy unique? What made him a top ten hit? The movie was about to start, buckle your seat belts, we're goin' for a ride, Zack Snyder, Mr. Visionary, bring it on! All right! Comedian is mixed martial arts butt whooping his hitman, no..wait, his hitman is beating the shit out of the Comedian...Come on, left hook, jab, left hook, this is exactly how I pictured the comic! Ok..maybe not, but it looks cool...Wait what's that Schweeps? What? The dude on your left is snorring? Nah, you must be hearing things, Left hook, high kick, throw, glass shatter, oh my fucking God the Comedian is dead! ROOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCC... ... ...PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... ... ...RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNCCCCCC... What in the name of fuck is goin on?! The fat bastard was snoring like a sedated wild hog and we are in 5 minutes into the movie...Hell, he snores louder than the movie! Being the though motherfucker that I am, I punched him right in the nose, he bleed profusely...No, actually I just changed seats, I guess I'm a puss after all, but it did cross my mind to make him gag to death on his tiny little weiner. I wonder if he watched "who watches the watchmen". Imperfections folks. They can annoy the living shit out of you. Specially if they're imperfections of this particular morbidly obese guy. But, follow me through this, maybe I'm just blaming donut boy for the fact that I thought the "Watchmen" trailer was cooler than the movie.




Amoral of the story: stay at home and download a recording of a recording from the internet thus keeping your snore to yourself.

oh my GOD.....???!!!!!

Well, well… is not god, I know… the son of god JC boy… (but what the hell is the same shit for me)

God… I hate him… well not specifically him… its more the bullshit around this…. Come on Fuckers… can you really believe exist something out there????.... That is fucking “lol”… actually with all the knowledge in this world... and you still believe this losers stuff… You need take a red pill and “Wake up”… God is a simple Humanity invention to control the world…but if you cant accept that go and eat your bananas… and keep believing “God” will pay your bills…yeahh I like JC… WITH POTATO AND KETCHUP!!!!!....i can keep typing all night about this… but go and google this… I don’t have patience to make you less ignorant, and believe whatever you wanna believe …

P.D. Not enough hate??? Well lets send a lot porno shit(better “lolitas” pics) to a priest home… and in the next day send letters to the police… saying the priest of your neighbourhood is a Fucking porno addict bastard … and just enjoy the show…

Old People

Old People….. Well what can I say about this???.... Come on… you know it… you hate them too, why? ´cause smell so bad, move so slowly (make me sick in the streets when I wanna pass), dance like trained monkeys… now you say “OHHH one day you will become old, and you will don’t like people talk about…bla bla… YOU KNOW WHAT???? I DON’T CARE, Im young…(Im not immortal but I hope the science can invent something for people become immortal (well, not all people I don’t wanna see some stupid dudes in all my fucking eternity, so lets the “Immortality just for people with a “High Importance”)…well, back in the point…the old people are a pain in the ass for governments too (why I said too ´cause “Homeless” are a pain for government….). So the “OLDISH DUDES” receive a 9/10 Hate for me… equal to a slow and painful dying with hungry ants, plus take the feet nails with a clamp…and remember “Less elders… more money for everyone Younger”

P.S. Just think about it… we have to work and some of our money go to this old people, They receive discounts in almost everything… so don’t get soft.

Homeless…. If exist something, I hate, are this people (if we can use this term)… why exist??? Well the answer is simple…. Losers!!!!... Some dudes like “teticas boy” think i´m a bad person…. Who cares??? These individuals… smell really awful, destroy private property and are a pain in the ass for governments… but hey im not a Fascist!!!!!! I don’t wanna kill em all (well maybe a little) just take the bastards Homeless and put this people to do something productive!!!!!!!..come on, you think I am a bad person???? Think again… when you see this people in the streets you turn you head to the other direction… Ignoring people is the worst thing, people can do….this times no Boss coming… but I wanna play Resistance online…. So don’t forget… “No homeless…..paradise streets”

P.D. Not enough hate??? Well… that people can eat everything, so lets put some laxative in food and give to them!!!!!! And wait for enjoy the show!!!!!...

Stupid Clowns…I always hate this “THINGS”… the way the move… and act… I remember when I was a kid… Just the presence of a clown, make me so anger and fuel of hate… I just imagine the Clown’s Head falling apart on the floor, watch him die in a bloodpool…and put those stupid balloons in his ass…well boss coming… no time for more bullshit…and remember “for each clown dead ten little kids happy”